Whistle in the Dark
To whistle in the dark means to act unafraid in a fearful situation. For me, this phrase holds a lesson, that being able to keep your composure can serve as an act of defense.
The idea for this painting came to me over a year ago. It was early 2025. A new administration was entering office and it was a time where fear and uncertainty felt like they were becoming normalized in new aspects of life. Things that were once familiar and reliable were becoming scary and unrecognizeable.
It reminded me of becoming afraid of the dark after spending half of my life loving the night. From early childhood to my 20’s I struggled with insomnia. I was 6 when I decided nighttime was my favorite time to be alone. I loved existing unobserved. Even now, I love the peaceful, mysterious magic of the night.
But the world is a scary and violent place for women. The dark too easily becomes a place that conceals danger and those who intend to cause harm.
“Whistle in the Dark” inspiration board
I get deeply upset when I feel fear in the dark. It feels like something so familiar has been taken from me, and left in its place was an expectation to perform bravery… to wear a calm demeanor as though it were an essential piece of armor. We dress up our fear in a little red dress with a set of keys laced between our fingers like claws and a sweet smile on our faces.
We work to claim some control over our fear with rape whistles and mace, but how do you really fight a fear fueled by other people’s senseless hate?
This painting started as my way of reckoning with that sinking feeling of fear, the theft of safety, and the under-recognized trauma of putting a brave face on. But, as I came closer to finishing it, I felt like I was speaking to something even bigger. To live in the United States right now is, for many, an experience of darkness and fear. A feeling that can be likened to how it feels to be a woman alone at night.
Panic.
Fight or flight.
Am I being followed?
Am I being paranoid?
It’s the confused terror that comes with not being able to see the whole truth. And we are expected to get up everyday and act as though things are normal. We live like there is nothing to be afraid of. We become a whistle in the dark.
